Why DVD Commentary Tracks Should Not Exist
an ongoing series
Perpetrator: David Mammet
Context: Like rolling thunder, he speaks the truth.
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Perpetrator: George Lucas
Context: During a scene in which two cartoons are talking to each other,
Mr. Lucas proves what we have suspected since this film's release:
he is in fact blind.
Perpetrator: Writer/Director Steven E. De Souza
Context: I wasn't going to pick on this one, but my hand was forced.
This is of course the Jean-Claude Van Damme feature
film version of the Capcom video game.
Within a scant 30 seconds, Mr. De Souza explains the complex
notion of 'intercutting', and claims to have been directly
inspired by Kurosawa's classic "Hidden Fortress."
I am not shitting you.
Perpetrator: Terry Gilliam
Context: God bless Terry Gilliam, but I have no idea.
Perpetrator: Michael Jeck
Context: Japanese film expert Jeck tells us the secrets of a master.
(submitted by Steve Yedlin)
Perpetrator: Mel Brooks
Context: An hour into the film, Brooks has run out of ways to compliment Wilder and Garr.
Perpetrator: Peter Bogdonavich
Context: Bogdonavich illuminates the opening scene.
Perpetrator: John Carpenter
Context: Carpenter's thoughts on Leone's sound design
Perpetrator: The Coens and Billy Bob
Context: We have just listened to forty five seconds of commentary silence.