I see what you're saying. I think this is a Hollywood trope that has overstayed its welcome. It doesn't ruin the movie for me. The reason it surprised me is because of what you described: there was never any indication that there was anything between them. Toward the end, after that moment - yes, that's when I started getting that feeling.
I disagree with that part actually, I think it was pretty clear at the start that she idealized that "idea" of him before she quickly realized he wasn't the larger than life hero she'd built him up to be, over the course of the film she starts falling for him again.
However I don't think he was in to her, I read the kiss as her letting out her feelings for him and him being startled.
As for the conversation about consent I completely agree it's not acceptable behavior (it's not like she has the excuse of misreading a sign)
but it is a trope of the genre and one I think Rian subverts somewhat.
She's not "rewarded" for taking the "initiative" of forcing a kiss upon him, he doesn't kiss her back or profess his love for her, he reacts in a realistic way (from what I can remember)
This isn't the first example of this in the franchise, I remember correctly Luke surprises Leia with a kiss in ANH before their daring rope swing and she does the same to him at the start of ESB in an attempt to make Han jealous, which has an extra eww factor considering their family ties.
I almost think acknowledging and subverting the trope is better than simply ignoring it, but that could change depending on where the next film takes their relationship.
I'm not a huge shipper but I'm still holding out for Poe/Finn.