Rian's Forum

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 Post subject: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Tue May 19, 2009 9:49 pm 
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The Duke
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I know I've been away long. 'Tis the occupational hazard.

For those who don't know, Rex Reed, the most crotchety reviewer in The World, has a bit of history with Rian's flicks...

His BLOOM review is nearly as epic as his BRICK review.

He's like that sort-of-drunk-Uncle at Thanksgiving that yells about how his VCR doesn't work and the telemarketer always calls during Wheel of Fortune.

All that matters now is Rian keeps making more movies, just so Rex can review them.

FYI, his famous quote on OLDBOY (one of my favorite recent films and a true successor to the Peckinpah-spirit) - "What else can you expect from a nation weaned on kimchi, a mixture of raw garlic and cabbage buried underground until it rots, dug up from the grave and then served in earthenware pots sold at the Seoul airport as souvenirs?"

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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 12:24 pm 
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Hey Noah, good to see you back. By the way, so you can put 2 and 2 together, I'm the Justin that introduced himself at the Cat & Fiddle as you were leaving. I should have explained, but it was late, it was loud, and there was beer involved.

And that Reed review is epically awesomely bad. I think I'm enjoying the bad reviews more than the good ones.


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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 3:41 pm 
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Justin wrote:
Hey Noah, good to see you back. By the way, so you can put 2 and 2 together, I'm the Justin that introduced himself at the Cat & Fiddle as you were leaving. I should have explained, but it was late, it was loud, and there was beer involved.

And that Reed review is epically awesomely bad. I think I'm enjoying the bad reviews more than the good ones.


Justin! Of course. Sorry, I was feeling a little nappy and it was indeed loud, as The C&F prides itself. Good to meet you in person, in retrospect :)

I just absolutely adore the now-consistent rants by Rex. He's just so out-of-sync that I find it entertaining . Also, the pure vitriol is pretty great. I kind of hope he never likes any of Rian's flicks, if not just to be entertained every-other-year by the rants of a cranky old New Yorker who I'm not related to.

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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 3:56 pm 
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G*d, Rex Reed! I hadn't heard a peep out of him since he championed a film called Games People Play: New York: "Fresh, Moving, Outrageous, Smart...Unlike anything you've ever seen before." But judge for yourself:

http://www.gamespeopleplaythemovie.com/

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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 4:21 pm 
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Some favorites - his Synecdoche, NY review. Choice excerpt:

Quote:
Charlie Kaufman. Oy vay. I have hated every incomprehensible bucket of pretentious, idiot swill ever written by this cinematic drawbridge troll. But nothing that has belched forth from his word processor so far—not the abominable Being John Malkovich, the asinine Adaptation (Meryl Streep even worse than in Mamma Mia!), the artery-clogging Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (Chuck Barris from “The Gong Show” a secret operative for the C.I.A.?), not even the jabberwocky of Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind—prepared me for a bottom feeder like Synecdoche, New York. It is extremely doubtful that you will sit through all two-hours-plus of this obnoxious drivel—in fact, the fool producers who actually put up the money to finance it owe you a prize if you do—but even if Hollywood bought the myth of Charlie Kaufman, the latest Hollywood example of “the emperor’s new clothes,” as a writer … whatever did he do to convince sane people he could be a director, too? His directorial feature debut reminds me of the spiteful, neurotic brat kicked out of school for failing recess who gets even by throwing himself in front of a speeding school bus.


Or The Limits of Control, which I know lots of respectable critics trashed as well, but which really really REALLY makes me want to find his "Ghost Dog" review:

Quote:
As bad movies go, a nightmare called The Limits of Control can’t go fast enough to suit me. This is an empty, boring sedative by Jim Jarmusch, a writer-director with not enough talent to be either. He’s been getting away with murder for years, serving scraps of gibberish like Ghost Dog, Dead Man and Mystery Train that nobody except the fools who finance them actually sees.

...

Pure, undiluted crap, this is the worst movie since Synecdoche, New York.


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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 4:49 pm 
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He totally needs to get hired by The Onion.

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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:35 pm 
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piehouserat wrote:
He totally needs to get hired by The Onion.

The irony being that The A.V. Club is the only serious part of The Onion.


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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Wed May 20, 2009 5:58 pm 
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After reading the first paragraphs from a number of his reviews, I'm fairly comfortable in now believing that he's the film-critic version of the Weekly World News.


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 Post subject: Re: Rex Reed's reviews
PostPosted: Thu May 21, 2009 12:17 pm 
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He called Penelope "doodle-brain"! Oh, I like this guy.

Rex 'Doodle-brain' Reed wrote:
Scam movies don’t work unless the whole audience is scammed in the process, and The Brothers Bloom won’t bluff you for a New York minute.

And right there, you see where he went wrong.

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